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The Wedding Party
 Erica - Honourable MaidenErica is a semi-professional dog harasser, and the bride's sister, sometimes mistaken for being her twin. She is pursuing a career in public health and recently returned from Africa, and probably does not have anything contagious. Ask her about international competitive roller skating. |  Simon - Bestest of MenSimon is a singer, songwriter, and part-time dog sitter. He enjoys Vanilla Vodka, fantasy football, and being pinched on the bottom by strangers. Ask him to sing you a lullaby. |
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 Melina - Panda FancierMelina met the bride in middle school while learning to drive a tractor. She is recently married herself, and is a freelance graphic designer, so she probably knows more about contracts than many of the lawyers in attendance. Her obsession with pandas can be traced back to her childhood, when a panda saved her from a flooded river. Ask her about how to make your website "I don't know...more impactful..." |  Chris - Beard AfficianadoChris is a drummer (click to see!) which means he has excellent rhythm and a large vehicle (ladies?!) He enjoys imaginary dinosaurs, fine scotches, and constantly tapping on things. Ask him to play "Wipeout" on your tummy. |
 Courtney - Where is Courtney?Seriously, have you seen her? We need to be taking pictures right now. Why do you have her shoe? Is that her phone in the dip? Look, just...keep an eye out, ok? |  Jason - ConsigliereJason is the father of two terrifying children and works with the groom. He enjoys cars no one can afford, and dressing like a fancy boy. Ask him what Kthulhu can do for you. |
 Laura - Human Outlet MapLaura met the bride at the UD call center where they harassed alumni for money. She is happily married and lives in the City, which means New York, because it's the only city in the world (apparently). She is pursuing a career in fashion. She has a dog named Mikey, who enjoys pooping on things. Ask her when that couch you like will be on sale. |  Mark - David Bowie ImpersonatorMark is father to twin girls who already far exceed him in charm. He enjoys complex facial hair, Journey sing-alongs, and sous vide cooking. Ask him about the life-size Pee Wee Herman tattoo on his back. |
 Marissa - Head CheerleaderMarissa teaches in New Jersey which means she is among the world's most patient people. She studied abroad in Italy with the Bride, and deeply regrets leaving. Ask her what pasta goes best with human pyramids. |  Alex - Chicken FarmerAlex raises chickens and brews moonshine in Northern Baltimore County. As this is written, he is expecting his first child. He enjoys dressing in camouflage with the groom and pretending to be a goose. Ask him about the proper way to wear patterned pants, or international finance. |
 Laura - Skating ConsultantLaura and the bride have been friends since middle school. The bride, Erica, Courtney, and Laura were all competitive skaters, but, Laura is the only one who did anything with that skill - she now teaches ice skating in York, PA. Ask her to explain the international scoring system for Olympic ice dancing. |  Andrew - Horse WhispererAndrew is also a lawyer, in a wedding that already has far too many. He enjoys watching people ride horses and climbing fake rocks in climate controlled warehouses. Ask him about the pluses and minuses of grip chalk, and do not let him touch your suit. |
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